Wednesday 18 June: Italy may be a center of fashion, but…

As I was on my way to some ruins today, I started thinking about how well many Italians dress. In Rome, they have a saying: fare una bella figura. You can translate this as “cut a fine figure,” “make a good impression” or even just “look good.” It starts with being appropriately dressed, but goes way beyond that. It means to live and move and act gracefully and decently in society. The way you speak and act is even more important than your clothes. Otherwise I’d be out of luck, since I generally go around in polo and cargo shorts (except the Vatican, where you have to wear long pants). Even I put on a jacket and tie to speak with library and museum administrators. You want to look sharp, but not be so ostentatious that you draw attention to yourself. Social graces aside, fare una bella figura does start with appearance, although it doesn’t end there.

Fashion is obviously a big industry in Italy. Gucci, Versace, Armani, Fendi, and the rest are everywhere. Many Italians dress extremely well, even if they’re just running to the store. And yet, I have seen some incredible fashion tragedies, some so heinous that they were laughable. Here is my list of the top ten fashion don’ts I’ve seen in Italy:

1. Age- and shape-inappropriate animal print stretch stirrup pants (well documented by Gary on Flickr; check out his photos from Naples).

2. Purple and orange jeans on old men (both colors in the same pair—plain orange jeans are very popular for men of all ages here).

3. Hats, vests, and other accessories made of aluminum foil (and not worn by small children or the homeless).

4. Multiple facial piercings connected by chains festooned with Swarovski crystals (a man in his 60s).

5. Habited nuns with Hello Kitty accessories (near the Lateran!).

6. Suspenders worn over a wife beater, with no other shirt (this may be a retro look; maybe the 1930’s are coming back into style).

7. Two inch long toenails worn with sandals (this was a friar, so maybe it’s part of a vow).

8. Sequined eyebrows not worn to a costume party or drag show (at a bakery in the middle of the afternoon).

9. Black lace body stocking under a black and red crushed velvet bikini (at the laundromat, so maybe everything else she had was dirty).

10. The single worst fashion mistake of Italy: the return of the mullet (mostly boys and men of all ages; in the most egregious cases, it’s worn with a mohawk or afro, or is dyed a different color from the rest of the hair).